Teh Internets

10,000 B.C.

The internet, as we know it, was created some 10,000 odd years ago. There was no Mr. Google to help you, and you'd be lucky to get anything. They called this life. You had to throw rocks and hope it landed on some poor bastard, then have him curse at you and/or throw you the rocks back.

This was called "Ping".


Thousands of years later, the typewriter with an integrated TV but nothing interesting happened. One thing was pretty darn consistent though, to operate it you couldn't be a dumbass. But then it went to hell, people plugged telephone lines and it became easier for people to understand how to use the typewriter/TV set and soon they flooded the cybernetic space (composed of a series of giant tubes).


Pencil Carving

So whenever I see art made with normal everyday things, it baffles me. Someone took something made with a specific purpose and against all common sense went and made something worth appreciating. Well the latest example for me is a Japanese webpage that has not been updated since 2001 but the content needs no fancy presentation as it speaks for itself. Next up, pencil carvings and lame jokes:

Now this is a real statement. Pencil sharpeners? FUCK YOU!

This should keep it chained down to the desk. Ha-Ha! Right? Right?----
ah... shit.

The shape gives me an idea for a weapon:
  1. Fill it with super glue
  2. Insert bees
  3. Throw it at someone
  4. ????
  5. Profit!

This is pure bad-ass. And useless, but bad-ass indeed.

See more at http://www.infofreako.com/jad/pencil/0list-e.html


BloodNinja Cybers

These scattered gems of the World Wide Web (god my 'net cred has gone down quite a bit) have been buried over the years. I think I found them around 2004, they're mainly IRC logs so who knows how old they may be.

These three are favorites of mine, check out the rest here.

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: : Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: : I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: : Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: : I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: : Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: : Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: : You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: : Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

Do you feel alone and unimportant?

Ever gotten that feeling that you're insignificant? Maybe you sit alone with the most miserable-looking face ever on purpose, just to try and get someone to talk to you only to find out nobody is going to give a damn?

Well maybe this will help you sort out those mental questions about being important in this world.

Your Place in the Universe


Commander Navarrette

So I stumbled across a pretty damn funny and original story and I'd give anything to be that creative one day. Click "Read More" to see the whole masterpiece:
Last Friday, I was getting out of work. I was in a meeting so I was wearing a suit, which ended up being perfect.

I was waiting at a crosswalk, and this lady wasn't paying attention and walked into the street. She's about 45-50 I guess? The street was pretty empty in both directions except for a bus in the close lane that the lady didn't see. The bus was coming in pretty fast, and I don't know how she missed it, but to her credit there were some bus stops and parked cars and stuff that may have obstructed the view.

Anyways, just as the bus started honking and slamming breaks, I grabbed her and pulled her back. She would have probably made it anyway, but it made a pretty nice dramatic effect.

So this lady was really freaked out by the whole thing. She was sorta stuck in between thanking me, and catching her breath. So (and wtf did this come from I have no idea), I pulled out my PDA and said "This is Commander Navarrette, I saved the subject. The time is 4:39 pm." She had no idea what was happening and kept looking at me all dumb. So I said something to the effect of, "Ma'am I need your signature to affirm that you were here and I stopped you from getting run over by the 4:39 bus."

I didn't know what she thought about the situation, but I decided to press it a bit further. I opened my pda's drawing thing (ooo high tech) and asked her to sign it, which she did.

I thanked her then followed up with "Your grandson is very important," which immediately I realized was really dumb because she didn't look like she was old enough to have grandchildren.

"I don't have a grandson," is all she said. I freaked out for a second, thinking I just made a total ass of myself. But then I said "You will," and gave her sorta a wink/smile.

The crosswalk light was green and I walked off. She stood there A few seconds later she yelled "wait!" but I was already across the street and pretended I didn't hear and kept walking.

I have no idea what she thought of the whole thing, but even the idea of her thinking I was from the future totally made my day.


Goober on KOFY TV 20

L fuckin' O L


Indirect Easter Post

So I didn't post yesterday (Holy Friday or whatever gay shit you want to call it) because it felt too good to have nothing to do. I normally have nothing to do but I hadn't felt so useless in such a long time, I orgasmed.

That and the fact any rambling on such a day would be predictable, so I sparred myself the routine of saying "Fuck Christianity and any sort of religion that is affiliated". The only good thing that comes out of this "holy" whole week is that you get days off from work. Seeing that also tells me that I'm a hypocrite for bitching about some religious things and endorsing others.

Christians love to have SOME things for interpretation and SOME things to be taken literally when reading the Stupid Book, on accordance to how they want to perceive reality.

So if we're talking about hypocrites, I'm just a molecule compared to others.

But nevermind that, the real topic of the post is justifying my disregard for humanity's well-being. See, I can't say I "hate" humanity because that implies me giving a whole fucking lot about them, but I don't see a reason to like it either. I don't need to hand out different reasons or explanations. I think anyone with a brain, or a heart at least, will understand this:


No end for The Vatican's ass-hattery Part II

Sometimes wishing people would just shut up isn't enough, you reach a point in which you believe their death is the only thing that will keep them quiet.


Now The Palpatine Pope is trying to tell Africa, responsible for practically 3/4 of AIDS-infected victims (or dumb broads, take your pick), to not use condoms. Claiming telling people to have sex WITH condoms just tells them to fornicate. Forget about the fact they will fuck each other senseless regardless, but if it's with a condom it's worse! His recommendation? Abstinence. Again.

Sometimes I think that despite all the progress the Catholic Church has made (such as christian metal bands), they're essentially stuck in the "Land Before Time" time line. While abstinence is not a bad thing, telling millions of people to stop having sex until they marry is an illogical and lazy way to try and stop AIDS from spreading. If it were up to me I'd drop Agent Orange on 'em, but despite how unlawful or immoral money-grubbing world leaders are, they find such acts as "unethical". Whoop dee fuckin' doo.