Gaming: The Online Nightmare

I love video games. I'm not the oldest or most retro of gamers, I'm not even remotely "hardcore". But I grew up with them, and despite the fact neither my parents weren't rich, I had a nice collection and managed to have at least one console for each generation ever since my gaming debut on the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Forward two decades later and I find it more and more difficult to enjoy gaming as a "full-time hobby", two jobs, a wife (by society's definition even though I hate the term) and, well, other hobbies such as drinking and driving (since I'm short on time I do them at the same time). Whenever I do find the time to play, it becomes a little more difficult to enjoy modernized gaming.

My rant has a little something to do with the constant "cloud" and online interaction to do ANYTHING. Maybe I'm all "IHATEALLNEWTHINGS", but ever since online gaming popped its head in consoles and DRM became more and more anal, I feel many things are becoming too controlled, too "we have to know what you are doing, when you are doing it and when you plan to do it again". My most recent example has to do with Assassin's Creed: Revelations and its constant nagging of going online and checking for updates each time I want to play it. It's not even the auto-update-notification that irks but the fact they require you to register and log in each time you want to play the game.

Then it constantly reminds me as I'm about to journey into the game that I am not connected, I won't be able to play multiplayer or download extra content. Look, I KNOW I'm offline, I KNOW I don't want to be running around with other Altairs or Desmonds or whatever, I KNOW the game itself is fine as it is and extra content won't get me extra hours of gameplay so I don't care if I have it or not. I just want to PLAY THE DAMN THING.

Whatever happened to double-clicking and just playing?


If Portal 2 was released in the 90's

I don't know about you but I think this would've been one of the most interesting Tiger Electronics gaming whatchamacallits.


Worried about Blogger's new dashboard

I've been on and off making websites and/or layouts ever since I first wandered into Yahoo! Geocities, so coding (or rather editing code) is not exactly the easiest of tasks for me but I always manage to work something out. Well, I've liked all my layouts, I've used them all, eventually I ditch them all but with each new layout, the trend is they become easier on the eyes.

Now I'm proud of this one because it's just an image and some columns and it gets the point across, no problem with that. However, I rely heavily on editing existent HTML and/or CSS, something Blogger lets you mess with freely, or rather, they used to let you mess with it.

With "dynamic templates", things get simplified but other things get locked down. You can still edit some aspects but apparently venturing inside the code and manipulating it to your will may no longer be an option. The old Blogger layout would let you edit the HTML directly, this new layout when I browsed it, the only thing I cared for was that one button. I never found it, some sites claim to have found it but the truth is that it's most likely to be true implementation of "Edit HTML" in the interface is bound to go like this:

  • Download your template
  • Open it in an editor
  • Edit it
  • Upload it
  • Test it
While before it used to be like this:

  • Edit it in blogger's own window
  • Click "Preview
  • If satisfied, click "Save Template"

It's not such a big deal, until you're just changing a single number or hyphen, there's no way to test it quickly... Anyway, Blogger is making these changes mandatory in April so I will either leave my theme as it is, until I grow tired of it, or get used to a long and boring process of download/upload.


Yeah the new interface has "Edit HTML".


Politicos Inamibles: Jose Luis Dalmau

My oh my, my second entry into this little section and I'm already a day behind. Anyhow, this guy is from the PPD (loosely translated to Popular Democratic Party), as opposed to Rey Vargas Vergas (who belongs to the PNP), the gag is obviously based on Angry Birds and the green pigs.

"Roba Huevos" means "Egg Stealer", the reference obviously towards the green pigs' favorite activity. Besides standing around waiting to be murdered. Not that I'm implying that this specific politician steals, because I don't know him or his past deeds or future plans. I'm actually implying that all politicians at some point steal, and quite frankly that's the main feedback we've gotten from our gay little imitation of a White House for a loooong time now.


Hell is a Conspiracy Theory - Proved false from The Bible

This was originally posted by the user "Blue_Jay33" on back in 2009. I've kept it bookmarked and read it time and time again and looked up the reference bits on Bibles online. It is rather fascinating, even if you don't believe in anything like me, you can overlook what the book is talking about and focus on how bigoted the Church is regarding pushing fear at all costs just to get people to join their cause.



The Beauty of the 90's

This week to I went to a pizzeria and saw this Tekken 3 arcade machine. It was in perfect working condition, no buttons or joysticks stuck, the speakers didn't sound like hairy asses getting raped by tin foil. It was ironic, the fact I played up til Round 5 with three quarters made me even desire it more whilst going back home and having it in front of me just didn't feel quite as exhilarating. And it wasn't for the fact that I was playing in public, truth be told, the machine looks like the occasional child walks by past it, preferring their mobile games. It doesn't reek of abandonment but it certainly ain't a hit with the ladies, or the nerds.

I think the claw machine next to it gets more hits (both literally and figuratively)  than the poor Tekken 3 cabinet. Not only is Tekken about kicking ass, so it should attract more attention than trying to impale a teddy bear with the weakest metal grapple in existence, in comparison it's 75% cheaper than Mr. I-Can't-Grab-Shit!

Twenty-five fucking cents.

But what really got me thinking "What the f---" was the famous "Winners Don't Do Drugs" message with the FBI logo and William S. Sessions' name. These guys could barely tell the difference between Pong and Contra, what the hell were they doing inside my quarter-munchers? This is a time where media and our parents are bitching about video games, such as Mortal Kombat and arcade shooters that had plastic guns.

But then, something happened, as much as we love to hate on the FBI, maybe they were on to something here, a quick search regarding the FBI and video games will show you:
  • In the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) report on school violence, Lessons Learned: An FBI Perspective School Violence Seminar, they include a school shooter profile listing thirty factors that may be indicators of potentially devastating violent acts, but the FBI excluded playing video games from that list. (Source)
  • "The state has not produced substantial evidence that … violent video games cause psychological or neurological harm to minors."(Source)

Video games have nothing to do with violence. The FBI is endorsing us. Which is why seeing this logo made me just want to prove everyone wrong so I took home my pizza and punched it. Twice.


AOL Search Queries

The only problem I have with searching is that whenever I have a problem or curiosity, I can't seem to find a response. Either because I'm not using the right terms, not patient enough or the info just isn't out there. Like let's say a specific song I only can make out some of the lyrics to, I downloaded it over KaZaA or Ares or some asswad file-sharing peer-to-peer program plagued with erroneously-titled music files, and I look it up. Nothing.

I go back a week later, look it up. Nothing.
A year later, I look it up. Nothing.
5 years later (I'm not kidding), I look it up, and still nothing.

Whenever I ask someone else to get involved in the search, I look it up again and boom, there it is! The moment in which I give up searching on my own, proceed to ask someone, anyone, about said inquiry, my luck changes. I tried this on command but it didn't work, apparently it's a meticulous process of "Forget about everyone until the very last moment". It's almost poetic.

But these people... the people that searched for these things on AOL Search, I hope they never have to rely on someone else to help them.

I always knew voyeur animal sex was related to x-ray vision.
I've tried to catch 'em but they notice and wander off. Selfish fucks.

Four fingers are equivalent to a 12-inch dick. Check.
Humiliation because you just because you. Check.

So apparently a vagina is not pretty enough to be food for a king. Or maybe the AOL Search algorithm is so fucked up that "foods fit a king" actually gives you vagina pictures.

The last few lines explicitly show that you can't clear all past AOL searches, it's better to keep searching on how to cancel your searches. 
That's like driving around the city to look for hookers you don't want to be with.

That one was mine. Except I don't have a mom. Or a husband. Or a cock.


Politicos Inamibles: Rey Vargas

This guy is what inspired me to do this entire series because (as stated before) of the sunlight reflecting on his face

Rey Vergas is a pun on his real name, Rey Vargas. It translates directly to King Cocks or King Dicks. I prefer King Wangs.


Politicos Inamibles: Intro

Cada cuatro años tengo que aguantar agonizantes estupideces de cada angulo. Cartelones de promoción en cada superficie imaginable, cobertura diaria en las noticias, anuncios de radio,  mitines políticos, caravanas, guaguas de sonido con los jingles mas bochornosos de las historia, entienden el punto.

Cada vez que esto pasa, no puedo hacer nada al respecto, gritarles no hará que se calle, mi CD player del carro no sirve así que TENGO que escuchar la radio o un MP3 player viejo, arrancar los carteles lo mas seguro es un delito (y si no lo es, lo mas que seguro hacen la excepción con los tarados estos). Tampoco me gustan ninguno de los candidatos y los que no estoy seguro si me gustan o no es porque ni siquiera te inspiran a escuchar lo que demonios hablan. Sientes mas motivación a jugar Ruleta Rusa que a escuchar a esta gente.

Este año hice algo diferente, en el 2008 las redes sociales eran fuertes pero, en Puerto Rico, los políticos no están tan "ingresados" en ellas. Ya para cuando llega el 2012, TODO EL MUNDO tiene un perfil en Facebook o Twitter, hasta las personas que ya ni aspiran a ningún puesto político ni siquiera como choto del barrio. Todo con sus antiguos banners de promoción y gente aun besándoles el culo. Este nuevo y fácil acceso, combinado con el hecho de que la foto de un cierto representante se veía bastante graciosa cuando el sol le daba directamente, me dio la idea de buscar sus fotos, en las cuales botan mucho dinero arreglándolas, y ridiculizarlos.


Every four years I have to endure agonozing stupidity coming at me from every angle. Promotional banners in every surface imaginable, daily coverage on the news, radio adverts, political rallies, caravans, sound trucks with the most embarrassing jingle in history, you get the point.

Each time this happens, I can't do anything about it, screaming at them won't make them shut up, my car's CD player doesn't work so I HAVE to listen to the radio or some old MP3 player, tearing down the signs and banners is likely to be a felony (and if it is not, they will probably make an exception for these jackasses).  I also don't like any of the candidates and the ones I haven't made up my mind yet don't even inspire you to look up what the hell they're talking about. It's a lot more motivational to play Russian Roulette then listening to these people.

This year I did something different, in 2008 social media was strong but, in Puerto Rico, politicians weren't that "into" it. By the time 2012 arrived, EVERYONE had a Facebook or Twitter profile, even people not even running for neighborhood watch, yet they were there. With old promotional banners and people kissing ass to them. This ease of access, combined with the fact that a certain representative's picture was being showered in sunlight and it gave him (at least to me) a very amusing gesture, gave me the idea of taking their pictures, which they waste a lot of money on due to post-processing, and ridiculing them.

Despite the fact this post is in English and it's about Puerto Rican politicians, most of the puns and references are local, I'll try to provide small tidbits on where they come from if it's too obscure.

I'll post one of these, or try to, every Thursday or Sunday.


Lazy Truth

With the ever so-realistic perspective that no one will read this, I have to admit the only time I left a blog or personal website this abandoned was back in 2006 with Black Epiphany. Luckily it's still up, it is basically the last website I made. The rest of the snippets have been blog-related, and I think it's for the best. It is so much easier to "accept" an abandoned blog or journal than a website. Back then, in the Yahoo! GeoCities and AOL's Hometown days, you were given tools to make a homepage and all of its sub-pages, separately.

Some gadgets would let you implement HTML or Javascripts to your page's source code directly, just like a real grown person's website.

It wasn't pretty, or consistent, and you would get a sub-domain URL longer than Steven Seagal's action filmography, but it got the job done. With the advent of chat rooms, came the profiles, and with the profiles, came the knack for cam whoring and posting just about anything you could inside a profile, with that, blogs became a more acceptable way to distribute all these pointless yet compelling activity of wasting Internet resources, and with the blogs, came social media. Social media nowadays consists of a bit of eveerything, you have a profile, with a comment section that doubles as a chat room/forum, and since most people with personal websites back then all just wanted to post pictures and/or videos and/or audio files, social websites cover pretty much all that.

So this is what I'm trying to get at, a blog is a lot of times like a social website's profile that takes a bit more time and dedication because you're not shoving it at people's faces, as you would in Facebook's Feed (everything is automatically published) yet you try to attract people to it, a trait that doesn't always pay off and makes one less discouraged if you're low on visitors and that push you crave.

Sadly, I've become accustomed to Facebook a bit too much to let it go because it takes a lot less effort to get [something] noticed on there. Be it a small rant, a funny video or picture, original content, anything is readily visible to everyone and I could be posting the same material on my blog and no one would know.

I would have to post it, and link it to my Facebook, and I would most likely get the feedback, if any, directly on my Facebook instead of this blog. It's stupid, it's sad, it's true. I'm probably talking to myself, but I just won't make any promises about keeping up this blog. The worst that can happen is that I lose the top-level-domain, which I really don't want to let the domain sharks get a hold of.

My hope is to post here more often, but with two jobs and what society considers a "wife", I find it less and less appealing to have to go to a site and write for nobody. And if I want others to see it, I feel I have to plaster it all over other sites, not only would it look pathetic and spam-ish, but it's annoying as fuck. I will try to find a solution to this, as some sort of widget for implementing both sites at once so this back-n-forth is not an issue anymore.