Feb 22, 2009

Record of the worst driver, without being a driver

A South Korean woman is more likely to be the first en masse killer behind the wheel.


This great genius-like individual has failed the driver's test about 775 times since she began her long journey, back in 2005. What's sad is that she keeps insisting on taking it once again (what's one more, right?), she's already up to 10 million won (Korean's currency, $6,800 USD), enough for you to buy two cheap cars.

I can understand failing some five times, be it by inexperience or plain nervousness, but more than 700?!?! Putting her on the streets after so many attempts spells doom, it's extremely dangerous. If that fucker couldn't do it on the first hundred tries, don't expect a lucky fart will make her "apt" for driving. I can imagine the agency already scared shitless thinking about the next test, but I hope their pity doesn't kick in or South Korean pedestrians are gonna be fucked. I forgot to mention, it's a 68 year old hag. Where the fuck is someone that's been living almost 7 decades heading to in a car? Gonna hang out at the local Ben-Gay factory?

The poor devil has hopes since the guidebooks to get a driver's licence says it can take up to five years. Wha---Fi-- FIVE FUCKING YEARS??? I don't think TIME is the factor here. To me it's the number of ATTEMPTS. Don't give her shit, she hasn't driven anywhere in the 6 decades she's been living, she can keep walking straight to hell, I'm sure it ain't far.

But just in case she doesn't feel like walking OR giving up, here's an exquisite solution:

Record de peor conductora, sin ser conductora

Una mujer de Corea del Sur es propensa a ser la primera asesina masiva detrás de un volante.

Noticia Original

Esta gran individua es tan genial que ha fallado el examen de conducir unas 775 veces desde que comenzó en 2005. Lo triste es que insiste en tomarlo de nuevo, ya va por 10 millones de won ($6,800), suficiente para comprarse dos autos más.

Yo entiendo al menos unas 5 veces, ya sea por ser inexperto o nervioso, ¿¡¿¡pero más de 700?!?! Tirarla a la calle a estas alturas sería extremadamente peligroso, si la cabrona no supo las primeras CIENTAS de veces, no esperes que un chivo ya esté "apta" para conducir. Me imagino que la gente de la agencia ya le tienen miedo (o pena). Para el colmo, es una vieja de 68 años. ¿A dónde carajos alguien que va para siete décadas de vivo va a ir? ¿A janguear a la fabrica de Ben-Gay?

La pobre diabla tiene esperanzas ya que en el manual de aprendizaje indica que no "debería" tomar mas de 5 años para aprender bien. No creo que el tiempo sea el factor aquí, sino la cantidad de intentos. No le den un carajo, si no condució en los primeros 60 años, que se vaya a la mierda ahora. Apuesto que puede llegar a pié.

He aquí una exquisita solución al problema:

Feb 21, 2009

U. S. Navy Fleet Insignias



Image yourself, enjoying a nice comfy pillow, soothing music pleasing your auditive senses, your hand drops a golden pebble that tastes like a peanut inside your mouth as you gently caress it with your tongue, you feel the salt dissolving in your mouth, THEN THIS MOTHERFUCKING HAND PULLS YOU INTO THE OCEAN!!

Your last thought will be how amazed you are with your body, you didn't realize you had THAT MUCH SHIT IN YOUR SYSTEM.

Face it, if you were a torpedo and had a bee jizzing out his needle on top of you, you'd grow metal fangs too. Best solution? Blow your ass up.

This had to be the gayest submarine of the fleet. You think a naked lady on top of a metal penis resembles manliness or available poontang? The only thing this one screamed out "sausage fest".


Feb 20, 2009

Sinister Art! Fuck butterflies! SINISTER! ART!

We all start out somewhere.

Whether it's learning how to speak a different language, using a computer, driving a car or playing an instrument, we're bound to make mistakes and learn from them. We gradually get better and better. Often, one may become confident when facing increasing challenges, you get lightheaded.

But this is the first time I've witnessed that someone has learned the equivalent of 15 minutes of random clicking on Photoshop and then goes to apply sub-par effects in horrendous fashion to Myspace-quality pictures, then call whoever is in the picture a "sinister" sexy model, then sell the so-called "artwork" online!

That's the case with one of the many *Sexy Models* that the user sinister_art employs, whose amazing artwork and modeling pictures can be found for sale at eBay.


Feb 1, 2009

No end for The Vatican's ass-hattery

The amount of stupidity brought upon religion never seizes to amaze. This year's first candidate for Extreme Public Stupidity Award is one that also excels at being full of religious ass-hats.

The Vatican.

Earlier this week I read about one official from The House with Golden Holy Toilets being disappointed in recently appointed President Barack Obama because he lifted a ban on "Family Planning Clinics". More commonly referred to as abortion clinics.

This is actually a smart move by this man, maybe he sees the world for what it is, overpopulated. So this "official" goes on to "warn" about, and I quote, "arrogance" of those in power who think they can decide between life and death". As opposed to the arrogant rich old men that do nothing to help yet try to bark orders from the other side of the world.

Let's start out with the logical sense, which seems to be absent in Rome, in this ordeal. With abortion clinics you:

  • Control overpopulation
  • Control poverty
  • Give job opportunities
  • Fix families (by destroying them)
  • Give kids to impotent men
  • Give people without a brain a chance to grow one