A typical conversation of my past

This was apparently back in 2007, I have no idea why I kept a random text file with this and I've no idea who she is.

Luckycharm: hugs dreth
Dreth: I have a small penis
Dreth: Send me a present
Dreth: Penis Pump
Luckycharm: LOL
Dreth: I'm serious.
Dreth: Send it.
Luckycharm: dreth i am too
Dreth: About what
Luckycharm: im talking to married men all the time here
Dreth: Oh
Dreth: I don't care about them, they're married, they can fuck girls. But I NEED A PENIS PUMP!
Luckycharm: do u think thats dangerous?
Dreth: What's dangerous? You breaking up marriages? Nah
Luckycharm: just play with it all the time darling
Luckycharm: it will grow
Dreth: No it won't.
Luckycharm: -gives dreth a little massage-
Dreth: I'm 20 years old already, I've pulled and pulled, I've seen blood flow, I'd had tears drip from my cheek onto my balls, it is NOT getting bigger.
Luckycharm: ssshhhh
Dreth: And I'm not married.
Luckycharm: yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luckycharm: oh cmon
Luckycharm: guess what dreth
Dreth: Penis pump?
Luckycharm: i had a 20yr old interested in me last night
Luckycharm: HONEST
Luckycharm: his name was luke
Luckycharm: and he wanted me
Dreth: Skywalker?
Luckycharm: he said i looked about 24
Dreth: Well you're Leia to him.
Dreth: Donut hair is hawt.
Luckycharm: OH
Luckycharm: i turned him down
Luckycharm: tooooyoung
Dreth: Penis pump god damn it!
Luckycharm: he had pretty blue eyes
Luckycharm: i wonder i f i would turn u down in real life
Dreth: I'm the son you wanted to have. Or whatever.
Dreth: Well I'd ask you for the pump in real life.
Luckycharm: i never ever said that
Dreth: You thought about it!
Luckycharm: because i looked at you as fuckable material in like a decade
Luckycharm: LOL
Luckycharm: JK
Dreth: You'll be like 70 in 10 years.
Luckycharm: no
Luckycharm: 42
Dreth: 72 then
Dreth: Sheesh
Luckycharm: good
Luckycharm: i got to go
Dreth: No, penis pump.
Dreth: PENIS PUMP, damn woman. You can send it! Stop being a cheap whore!

And this one is from 2006, I still wonder why I saved them in the first place, maybe this was the pinnacle of my "OOOOH HAR HAR I'M A FUNNY ASSHOLE WITH BAD GRAMMAR" stage.

nikki3: bet me im 9 years old and already done with college witch i went 2 harvard but i got homeschooled by the best teachers from harvard so what were u saying about me not being smart ohhh ur momma called she wants those lame ass comebacks back asshol
nikki3: e
Dreth: You think I'm gonna believe someone that hasn't even reached a 2-digit number age went to Harvard?
Dreth: You can't even spell properly.
Dreth: Look, on the internet you might be Paris Hilton and have 4 mansions,2 tons of blow, cum in your purse and an ugly dog, but in real life you're just a crapface little snot with one too many internet privileges, such as... being allowed on the internet at all. You make every single nerd lament the very existence of such a system that gives someone as bewildering idiotic as you a voice to the rest of the world.
Dreth: Now shut the fuck up and take a hint.
nikki3: i got homescooled and i no i type fast so i miss or hit extra keys and i lied im 21
nikki3: and paris hilton is my cousin bitch
Dreth: I wouldn't be proud of having a whore as my cousin. I think you can get diseases just by looking at her.
nikki3: shes not a whore but u r
Dreth: And if you're 21, you're way overdue for some of that "puberty" thing.
nikki3: im tracing u right now
Dreth: Good.
Dreth: Trace the middle finger I'm giving you.
Dreth: It's out my window now and I'm writing your name on the wall next to the "FUCK PARIS HILTON" graffiti.
Dreth: See it yet?
nikki3: asshole bye


  1. I need a Penis pump damnit.

  2. But you still are like this, why are you talking like those times are over.