How to talk to girls online

I'm not a "ladies man". I don't consider myself too much of a man for that matter, I prefer young adult, if such a thing exists. The reason I'm not a ladies man is because I don't care all that much of being a Jack of All Trades when it comes to hunting whatever has boobs when I go out. I've been known to talk about poop, or dirty pirate jokes to girls, some actually enjoy the open-mindedness, others are grossed out but still talk to me so it can't be all that bad.

But there are things you shouldn't do or tell girls. However, if I'm gonna continue with this, I must point out that I find that giving real-life advice on the internet is kind of contradictory, so I'm gonna talk especifically about online "girls". Reliable statistics point out that most, if not all, girls online are just guys trying to bypass as girls. Intelligent analysts also condone the internet's sole purpose being the never-ending search for pr0nz. Since these girls that you see online are never really anywhere near a computer, you might not develop the correct mindset in order to talk to them since you're around online males all the god damn time.

So here are some things you shoudn't tell a girl online, if you manage to find one:

  1. Hi - This may feign interest in anything unrelated from getting what you really want. A nude webcam show.
  2. How are you? - Extension from #1.
  3. I want to poop back and forth - They don't fall for that one anymore. I've tried.
  4. I still have all those webcam shows recorded - This will cause one of two things. a) The girls will become appalled at this shamelessly advertised perverted act and block you OR b) will simply deny further shows since you can just watch the old ones and bust a nut.
  5. You're so hot - Yet looks like this.
  6. Wanna see my Myspace/Facebook/poor attempt at being "social" online site? - This will trigger the unsolicited invitation of seeing HER MySpace, which is most likely the dumbest piece of HTML/CSS/whateverthefucktheyuse in the whole world. You will lose your chance of asking her to send you pictures, including ones not in her profile, and your computer will most likely crash anyway from her badly coded (but oh so kewl) profile. You will lose precious webcam whore minutes as you reboot and gain back her attention.
  7. No intellectual jokes - Too complicated, remember, you're lookin for the internet's equilavent of an easy lay, not a soul mate. They will cause the girl to be self-conscious of her stupidity and make her burst into the whole compliment fishing propaganda that include the oh-ever-overused "am I fat?". But this one can actually help you if you say you cannot tell from the pictures, it'd be better to tell if she turned on the cam.
  8. I am gay - If you think that being "one of them" will get you access into their realm, you're dead wrong. The best way to approach this method is to feign being a lesbian and join a bisexuals chat room, keep in mind that you're taking the risk of encountering a fellow fake lesbian.
  9. You are gay :P - This may work if you're into elementary school hit-ons. The "psychology" involved into taunting this absurdly is not likely to work, not because the girls are too smart to fall for it, but rather too stupid to get it and will end up feeling insulted.
  10. I know this blog that gave me some tips, here's the link... - If you do this, you deserve to have your cock stepped on by spiked heels.

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