Mar 19, 2010

The Memory Remains


I'm having euphoric memories by peeling off the scabs on my knee as a result of a fall at my own home last Friday. Memories long forgotten by the continuing struggles we have each day just to stay awake without hunger and to sleep without fear.



Memories of a time when little mattered and what was good, was simple. That coming home all sweaty was a sign of a satisfactory day and not of a long, forced, tiresome, miserable journey just to be able to eat.



A wound back then was a sign of being daring, courageous, adventurous and open to new experiences. Now it simply reflects how clumsy you are at doing things you're supposed to have mastered after many decades. Sure, it had its downsides. You couldn't buy what you wanted, when you wanted. You had to study in order to be rewarded, and it was highly unlikely that you reached your own conclusions in terms of individuality.

I guess there are two types of people in terms of how they see the past. Their best times were either in the past or the present is a much better version of what shaped them over the years. I'm stuck between the two, at times being ignorant was beautiful and yet I like being who I am thanks to the knowledge I've gained over the years.

I love being able to go to Kentucky Fried Chicken on my car with my own money and kill myself slowly by ingesting the tastiest, deadliest chicken I've come across. But who didn't love not having to pay for anything back then?

At the same time, there's something about playing hours at a time with all my action figures, its vehicles and my own custom-made "bases" in the greatest inter-dimensional battles. On Sundays, they would all take a break from the action and drown in bubbles in a gigantic and beautiful pool party. Joker would befriend He-Man and Donatello would impress everyone by doing the most acrobatic somersaults!

But Photoshoping the crap out my pictures and SEE what I would look like if I were to have the super powers I dreamt of as a kid also has its fair amount of tears of happiness.

Nowadays, I try to do what's expected of me as an obliged member of society but I try to not let go of that other person I used to be (and that I liked).

Let's hope the present time is as good as my childhood was, so I can look back on it after a couple of decades and envy the person I am right now.

5 comments:

  1. That was unexpected o_O

    AAWW my baby has a heart! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  2. There are two things that have always been very consistent in my observations when looking at the past.

    1. I always felt my accomplishments were less worth than they actually were.

    2. Every two years or so when I think of how I used to talk and behave two years ago I think to myself, jeez you were such an idiot. Thank god I'm so much smarter today.

    However the last one is very persistent and it makes me wonder if I'm going to stay an idiot for the rest of my life.

    I enjoyed this post very much. Except maybe for this part, "I try to do what's expected of me as an obliged member of society." That one doesn't really match with everything you have said about school and college or your persona on the Internet in general.

    ReplyDelete
  3. By that I mean that I'm not gonna always wear Batman and Ninja Turtle shirts or buy action figures when I really need to use the money for other [necessary] things.

    ReplyDelete
  4. By that I mean that I'm not gonna always wear Batman and Ninja Turtle shirts or buy action figures when I really need to use the money for other [necessary] things.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There are two things that have always been very consistent in my observations when looking at the past.

    1. I always felt my accomplishments were less worth than they actually were.

    2. Every two years or so when I think of how I used to talk and behave two years ago I think to myself, jeez you were such an idiot. Thank god I'm so much smarter today.

    However the last one is very persistent and it makes me wonder if I'm going to stay an idiot for the rest of my life.

    I enjoyed this post very much. Except maybe for this part, "I try to do what's expected of me as an obliged member of society." That one doesn't really match with everything you have said about school and college or your persona on the Internet in general.

    ReplyDelete