Oct 29, 2009

When Fashion meets Mediocrity


I don't care what you fashion-driven fuckheads think, I don't care if I'm a boring fart because I haven't had a new hairstyle in years, I don't care if I look outdated because I don't want to choke my balls and dick with my pants, I don't care if I look like a rejected hybrid of a skater/surfer/hippie, but part of the point is that I don't care that much about my looks as far as being up-to-date goes. So I shouldn't care about others' looks, right? Wrong. The difference is that they live caring about fitting in, what about when fitting in is over-the-top downright shit-through-your-eye-sockets ridiculous?

I've had it with these trendy cunts that 'steal' stupid crap from one another, then claim it theirs. This is directed at rappers or whatever the fuck you want to call those unoriginal scumbags.

1. The color pink

This was a brave bold move because they considered these colors to be associated with homosexuality, and sometimes it ain't far from the truth. But god damnit, it wasn't long after emos began wearing them that the rappers said "hey, maybe if we looked like human versions of Jigglypuff it'll be acceptable!"

So what's the difference between this



and this?


No, looking like a cocky cotton-picker that smells tampons each morning before heading off to meet your other clones in the filthiest street corner you can find does not brush off the fact that you're a faggot in pink.

You don't have to blatantly look like a homosexual to show the world you're certain you're heterosexual.

At least the guy on the bottom has the right attitude about it, he doesn't give a shit looking gay, thus he doesn't try to pass off as a someone that's supposed to be worth anything outside his family circle.

Oh...

Just to throw this in here, what the fuck is up with changing their voices to all-out synth-o-grams for the tone-deaf demographic fan base? This type of effect has been used before in electronic music's many sub-genres, albeit on limited amounts, but these orangutans make entire CDs with auto-tune instead of short clips incorporated into songs. No, now you have tone-deaf retards with software that auto-tunes their shitty lyrics to get roughly the same effect as you would if you talk in front of a fan at hi-speed.



And as HORRIBLE as it sounds, it still sounds better than their real voices. This is not an accomplishment, this should be endorsed, this should not be marketed.


2. The Gayhawk

And around here, in Puerto Rico, we've seen the rise and fall of the 'fawxhawk', ironically used mainly by the rappers, yet derived from the badass punk rock scene. I prefer the much more accurate term of douche or pussy-hawk:



As you can see, it contains 0% of the so-called mohawk and 100% douche-baggery. If you don't have the balls to at least trim the fuckin' hair then don't even attempt it, because if when you mocked people that had the real ones, know that imitating (and failing) the hairstyle makes you an even lower target.

They drained and killed this shitty hairstyle in order to revive a half-assed one. The mullet. But I won't even touch that with a 20-foot pole.

3. Scarface

Face it, you're sick of this shit. The tackyness is too much. You see it on kids products but this is literally old, it's 25 years old actually. It has been advertised more than Piggy Achoo, I don't even like the character Tony Montana anymore thanks to the cum-swapping geniuses that decided to revive and re-kill him like a shameless zombie. It used to be fun seeing a parody, half the screen black the other half white and a guy in the middle in monochrome style. You could feel a bit important when you got the reference, it was a movie from the same year than Return of The Jedi! I was told people back then that watched and loved both hits had mixed fucked dreams about Tony snorting coke in front of Luke telling him "Why don't you get a real job? Anything's gotta be better than lying around all day waiting for me to fuck you" or Vader pulling out a tommy gun and shooting Han first.

Now dipshits see all this crappy merchandise, shirts, cell phone covers, cups, hats, thongs and say "That's Scarface", but they don't talk about the movie because they haven't fucking seen it, so yes, they call 'the guy' Scarface too.

Fuck.



I get it, franchises. The money still pours in, like in Transformers even showing up in cereals and Chef Boyardee cans, but at least they're expected to do that that kind of campaign from recent blockbusters, not a mafia movie about an italian imitating a crappy cuban from almost 3 decades ago.

2 comments:

  1. Ah tasty hasty generalisations, that's what it's all about.

    Quite a mouthful, when all you were trying to say is that you're an angry little boy.

    See how easy that was? I suggest, Death of Autotune by Jay-Z, that should calm you down a little. Though I guess you won't be able to listen to that since it's a *rapper* who criticises other rappers so I really got nothing for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah tasty hasty generalisations, that's what it's all about.

    Quite a mouthful, when all you were trying to say is that you're an angry little boy.

    See how easy that was? I suggest, Death of Autotune by Jay-Z, that should calm you down a little. Though I guess you won't be able to listen to that since it's a *rapper* who criticises other rappers so I really got nothing for you.

    ReplyDelete