Jan 31, 2009

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it)


This is as ridiculous as it is hilarious, brand new storylines for all three classic Star Wars movies! There's even homosexuality involved. Damn.

Jan 28, 2009

I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat.


Normally, it'd go like "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat", if you were Hollywood menace Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. But in reality it's more like "I'm unhappy because I eat. I eat because some idiot keeps feeding me three chickens a day".




So the local news over here in Puerto Rico had something newsworthy for a change, some two weeks ago our own fat 900-pound bastard, Carlos Collazo, died. Apparently, as the newspapers' headlines indicated, it was lack of medical attention that got him to bite the dust. Here's how the story goes, the article states that in 1990 he suffered some kind of "electric discharge", which brought upon him "several skin conditions". Now I don't know of any skin conditions that turn you into walking lard, and unless electricity causes elephantiasis (which I am unaware of), I doubt it has anything to do with the story.

Then, his father died, which sent into some weird depression that makes you a glutton and gain 200 pounds.

Now we fast-forward, the newspaper meets up with Carlos on May 2008, one month after being confined to a bed (oh the anguish!) and a breathing apparatus which is something you'd expect, because he's at a whopping 740 pounds!

Yo como porque estoy triste, y estoy triste porque como


English Version


Normalmente, sería "Yo como porque estoy triste, y estoy triste porque como" si fueras la amenaza de Hollywood llamado Fat Bastard de las películas de Austin Powers. Pero en realidad es algo mas como "Estoy triste porque como. Como porque algún idiota me sigue alimentando tres pollos enteros al día".



Las noticias locales acá en Puerto Rico tenían algo que valía la pena publicar para variar, hace unas dos semanas atrás nuestro propio gordo bastardo de 900 libras, Carlos Collazo, murió. Aparentemente, como indicaban los titulares de los periódicos, fue la falta de atención medica la que hizo que tuviese su propia ultima cena. La historia es la siguiente, el reportaje indica que en 1990 sufrió un tipo de "descarga eléctrica", lo cual le provocó varias "condiciones de piel". Yo no se mucho de condiciones de piel que te convierten en una bola de grasa caminante, y al menos que la electricidad cause elefantiasis (de lo cual no me he enterado), dudo mucho que tengo ALGO que ver con la historia.

Luego su padre murió, lo cual lo llevo a una extraña y profunda depresión que te convierte en un glotón y te añade automáticamente 200 libras. Libras muy justificadas, obviamente.

Ahora avanzamos algunos años, el periódico Primera Hora conoce de Carlos en mayo del 2008, un mes luego de estar postrado a una cama (ah, la angustia...) y una máquina respiratoria. ¡Lo cual seria de esperar cuando pesas unas asquerosas 740 libras!

Jan 24, 2009

MS-Paint Beetlejuice


And now here's Beetlejuice!

This was my first time ever drawing this guy, having around 4 pictures as reference, I managed to draw The Ghost with The Most as shown in his animated series that ran in the early 90's. As you may or may not know, the Beetlejuice movie was what made the first Tim Burton Batman movie possible. So I guess you could say I'm on a Tim Burton roll, but don't go thinking that now I'll draw that faggot Edward Scissorhands.

On to the notes, I didn't have a background planned for this one as I started it, and nothing in the Neitherworld is easy to draw, it's got that random look that looks like it was made by a 7-year-old yet it takes quite some practice to get it right if you wanna replicate it. At first I thought I would BJ's house, then I thought about Lydia's house, but I saw the intro again on YouTube and decided to go with the cartoon's logo.



As I said, I didn't have a planned background, and I had reached the end of the main character's drawing, as you know, MS-Paint doesn't have layers, so doing a background around Beetlejuice is a must. But I cheated a bit, I made the background in an entirely new document and then pasted Beetlejuice over it. I'm not particularly proud of it, but it had to be done. The letters would've been amzingly difficult to "visualize" behind BJ, thus making them unproportioned.

Not much to tell here, it took me longer to finish than Batman because towards, I was feeling uninterested, but once I started the background (yesterday) I managed to finish it.

Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice
Beetlejuice

Jan 23, 2009

The Joker


Here's one I should've posted along with Harvey Dreth, it's Batman: The Dark Knight's take on The Joker. With the hype of the movie, many shitty Photoshop edits started waving left and right from every corner of the Internet, there were even tutorials.

None of these helped me, because I didn't have the poses they showed in tutorials, nor were my pictures of the same quality. Consequently I directed my attention to the movie's own promotional ads, more specifically this one:




So I went ahead and took a picture of my hand with some crappy cotton black Halloween glove I had laying around with a really old Joker card from a normal card deck and grabbed an old picture that had no real purpose besides just taking space from my preciously limited Hard Drive.

I started doing this after watching the movie the day after it came out. It was mostly rushed but ended up better than I expected, but my expectations weren't that high anyway.

W.I.P.



Finished Joker


The only thing that's not mine are the teeth, which I took from some random Google Image Search result bastard.

Lo Más Patético Que He Escrito


Hoy me siento excepcionalmente emocional. No puedo decir que estoy triste, no tengo razón de estarlo, al contrario, la razón por la cual estoy así es que porque estoy consiente de lo feliz que me hace una persona muy muy importante en mi vida.

Supongo que es mas fácil hablarle a una audiencia invisible, no existente, que decirle estas cosas directamente. Si esta es la persona que me alegra la vida con solo escuchar su hermosa voz, ¿por qué he de ocultarle palabras?



Son cosas que nunca quiero decirle, pero siempre están presente. No se las quiero decir porque son triviales, son idioteces que mas bien implican decirle al mundo que estamos juntos. Entiendo la belleza en la privacidad, lo público puede ser absurdo y obsceno, ¡pero yo quiero demostrar lo feliz que estoy!

No puedo obligar a que sea más "cariñosa", ella lo es, pero los momentos son tan apartados que me quedo esperando por más, supongo que tal vez este pidiendo de más. Simplemente me siento como ese yo que brevemente existió en la Junior High cuando estuvo con su primera novia. Había olvidado lo que era esperar ansiosamente una llamada, el que escuchar una voz importara algo. La realidad es que ese gran anhelo, esa conección que yo siento con ella me asusta. Siento que así de feliz que ella me hace, así de infeliz pueda hacerme si se me va. Siento miedo, pero a la misma vez me digo a mi mismo "no me importa" y siento que lo que siento por ella crece aún más.

Pero eso implicaría exigir esas idioteces... yo no quiero ser mandón, no quiero ser llorón, no quiero ser laposo, solo quiero ser el novio perfecto y siempre pienso que estoy haciendo un mal trabajo. Pero aún así no puedo obligar a que diga cosas, tienen que salir de ella, pero mentiría si dijera que no quiero escucharlas...

Yo creyendo que esta relación iba a ser como las demás relaciones que había tenido, pensé por un momento [aunque no quisiera] que ella iba a ser la enamorada y yo el aborrecido. Es todo lo contrario, aunque a veces siento que ella me quiere pero no tanto como yo quisiera. Desde el principio ella había hablado de su falta de personalidad "pegajosa", lo cual era muy bueno para mi porque era exactamente lo que queria. Pero ahora que siento algo que me dice que quiero verla, oirla, olerla, sentirla en todo momento... siento que esa cualidad que tanto era indeseable en otras personas me hace falta. A veces la siento distante y lo malo es que no se reconocer si en realidad es distancia o si simplemente es que yo quiero más y más.

Siento que es algo lindo, pero puede pasar lo que pasa mientras escribo esto, si no recibo mi dosis diaria de su voz, siento que el día va en mal camino. Me he convertido en lo que solía despreciar, una lapa. Lo más triste es que yo lo sé, y sé como se siente el tener una lapa encima de uno. Y la cosa es que no quiero APARENTAR ser una lapa, no por orgullo, pero para no empalagarla con mi persistencia. Yo, por otro lado, le he dicho abiertamente que me agobie con su presencia. Que DESEO que me sofoque con su ser. Si siento vida por ella, que tiene el derecho de darme muerte.

Hubo un incidente desagradable el pasado lunes, no me sorprende que no me quiera hablar tanto, que me haga pagar al sufrir como venganza. Créanme, yo también haría lo mismo, pero me siento tan miserable sin esa dosis de la cual hablé. Tal vez... sea lo que dije, una pequeña venganza, pero ¿y si esta pasando algo más por su mente? Tal vez es el hecho de que comenzaron sus estudios, los cuales pueden ser física y mentalmente agotadores, no tiene mucho tiempo para perder en el teléfono porque tiene que estudiar. Pero ¿y si es que esta perdiendo su interés en mi?

Sea lo que sea, me aterra pensar en quedarme sin ella. No quiero dejarla, no quiero que me deje. Quiero pensar que estoy solamente siendo estúpidamente paranoico, que estoy siendo "emo" (detesto esos estúpidos), pero tengo tanto miedo en preguntarle que corro en círculos. ¿Quieren saber lo peor? Aunque que me diga que nada malo pasa, siempre tendré el presentimiento que si, y se que eso no me ayudará en lo absoluto.

Mentiría si digo que no quiero que ella lea esto para que sepa del reguero que tengo en mi mente, pero no tampoco deseo causarle dolores de cabeza. Por eso se mantendrá aquí, que lo encuentre el que esté ensorrado.

Jan 9, 2009

Beavis & Butt-Head and Batman: TAS


So I've had this amazing pain on my lower back, it's really annoying. I can't do anything fun, my drum set is picking up dust and I have to remain in bed most of the time, my original desktop chair is either too old and lost all comfort or my back is that messed up and I can't use it anymore.

Either way, it gave me time to catch up on my pending crap, first one is a screenshot of Beavis & Butt-Head opening splash:



Which, needless to say, is fugly considering it was a really, really, REALLY cheap animation and it was left intact throughout the whole series. So my original project was to recreate it, with better colors and sharper lines and what-not. I mainly traced it completely because I was happy about finally learning to use the damn Pen Tool after using Photoshop since 2002 or so. The only thing I skipped was the MTV logo, I simply Google'd the render, pasted and painted it accordingly. I wasn't ambitious with this so I turned it from 640x480 to 800x600. I figured it was simplistic enough for it to look good even if stretched on higher resolutions.

The Beavis & Butt-Head Wallpaper:



Next up is something of a personal, sentimental project because I've always had MS-Paint next to my heart. It was the very first thing I got my hands on as far as editing went, and it mainly consisted of cutting and pasting certain spots to hide another spots. I learned about pixels and anti-aliasing the hard way. Nevertheless, it is overlooked because of its simplicity, but for someone like that, that has given up pretty much completely drawing on paper, this is as close as it'll get.

Now being a Batman fan is no secret of mine, I even find it creepy sometimes, but I realized, since Elementary School, I had not completed a Batman drawing, not even once! So this started out as a signature, like the one I have of Donatello (also in MS-Paint), but rapidly went out of proportions, it was only going to be Batman's head and his cape by his side, maybe a Bat-A-Rang, but as I wanted to include a cape I resized the image in order to sketch a little bitch and forgot to resize back to its original sig-size. One thing lead to another and from a small signature it went on to become a big 1024x768 wallpaper.

Batman: The Animated Series Wallpaper (MS-Paint):



Now before I get some crazy fan bitching because of the details, I must confess I made some small changes to it. Batman's eyes are smaller, I never really liked its gigantic triangle-eyes a lot, I also changed the Utility Belt's design a bit. The show's belt was really plain, just one big yellow belt with no superficial features except for a big center buckle and some odd ovals at the sides.

The grappling gun's handle was also modified for a more realistic style, the original was in a T-shape and he would put three fingers on one side and two on the other, uncomfortable if you ask me. The Bat-signal has the 'retro' style from Tim Burton's 1989 Batman film (the best in my opinion) instead of the oval-shape Batman logo found on his chest.

And if you think that because Paint has a Text Tool I'm gonna use it, you're dead wrong. You can zoom in and see for yourself that "Batman" is actually hand-made, if you use the Text Tool included in Paint you'll end up with the only thing that will have anti-alias (e.g. smooth borders) and it will look odd compared to the rest.

That's all for now. I might pay more attention to MS-Paint nowadays.